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| We got arms but won't reach for the skies
Waiting for the Lord to rise
I look into my daughter's eyes
And realize that I'ma learn through her
The Messiah, might even return through her
If I'ma do it, I gotta change the world through her
Furs and a Benz, gramps wantin 'em
Demons and old friends, pops they hauntin' him
The chosen one from the land of the frozen sun
When drunk nights get remembered more than sober ones
Walk like warriors, we were never told to run
Explored the world to return to where my soul begun
Never looking back or too far in front of me
The present is a gift
and I just wanna BE
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| i thought i would know what to do when the time came
i thought i would know when to leave when the time came
i thought i could recognize the sign
i thought i would know when the planets had aligned
i was wrong, i didn't know anything at all
i was wrong, i didn't know anything at all
saving all the letters you wrote
and i'm all alone for the first time
and i can't help but wonder
what's gone wrong
then fell asleep under a tree
got woken up by birds and bees
they're hard at work, but they're hardly workin'
there might be rain, but not for certain
followed the trail to the wild flowers
i cut as many as i could handle
i was workin' hard, but hardly workin'
i heard the train, but not for certain
oh, we're living in the wild life
we're living in the wild life
fell asleep under a tree,
got woken up by birds and bees,
they're hard at work, but they're hardly workin',
there might be rain, but not for certain | | |
| I have been thinking a lot about what Alex said about people being in your life only for a time and that they are only meant for that moment. I am okay with that. After Jonathan I thought I could never trust a person in such a way to fall in love, two months later Jon literally was waiting for me on my front porch. He played such a large role in me healing from broken trust, he helped me move out of unhealthy living situations, to realize that I can't help those who are drowning on my own. He got me to a place where I can learn to be independant. I don't think that I would be doing that/this in Columbus. That is a huge purpose and growth to have because of Jon. Really when I remember what I have, it is me. I have been telling people I am lonely but I am not sure that I am. I have moments but they pass, I am with myself, not by myself, that is a huge difference. For right now in this season I am at peace to be with myself, I am a good person to be with. There is great strength, solid ideas and so much hope pulsing inside of this shell. All of this is just part of growning up, and I am growing well. Today was ENC's graduation. It might have been mine had I not moved to Ohio. The choices I've made were good ones they were brave. I am brave, I am strong, I am heartbroken, and I am okay. Time and solitude are the healing balm I have perscribed for myself and I plan on using them to the fullest. | | |
| The days have been rather cold and gloomy here in Quincy, in weather and in spirit. It seems that with every spring comes new heartbreak, this round isn't as traumatic as it was last year maybe I am getting used to it. Regret is something I try to not get captured by, usually it goes hand in hand with "what if's" and those are really unhealthy. I don't regret moving back to Quincy to see if this relationship would work out, there was nothing in my control that could have saved what was just not meant to be. Through this sadness and confusion I have come back to a place of meditation. Looking to see who I really wish to be in this life and who I can live such a life with. I haven't had an immediate community in four months, that has been draining and lonely for me to experience. There are those who are drained by community and others who need it as a life source. Trying to meld two people of the opposite metal is impossible, neither can be happy. Community makes me happy and whole, I know how to love and hope in that situation. Although I find so much strength in my communal family I am realizing that there is very little I can offer, to suckle off community for too long is not healthy for anybody. I am standing at a crossroads self conscious and lonely, I am not sure which way to step and all I want to do is curl up into a ball and wait, for what I am not sure. But I won't I will stand alone here until I can move on my own. It will all be okay, we will all be okay. | | |
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it's a long long road
it's a big big world
we are wise wise women
we are giggling girls
we both carry a smile
to show when we're pleased
we both carry a switchblade
in our sleeves I say I think he likes you
you say I think he do too
go and get him girl
before he gets you
I'll be watching you
from the wings
I will come to your rescue
if he tries anything | | |
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